Cognitive Development Enables Reasoning

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Cognitive Development Enables Reasoning

Cognitive development allows your children to advance in patterns of thinking and in the way they perceive the world around. At each developmental stage and age of the child, this ability is enhanced, enabling the child’s ability to reason, and to have a better understanding of her environment. By the time your child can understand consequences, you can start reasoning with them. Even though their cognitive development is still largely underdeveloped, the ability to reason is still existent. If you can take the time to learn ways to communicate to your child on her level of cognition, you will be amazed how well they can reason and communicate with you.

The problem exists when you try to reason with a four year old the same way you reason with your 15 year old, or vice versa. You must learn how to get down to your children’s level and reason with them on their level. This is something that requires some time to learn and perfect.

Reasoning with you child can:

Complement any disciplinary action and help to reinforce good behavior.

Increase communication, which leads to more open dialogue.

Help you to receive more cooperation from your child.

Help to get less resistance from your child.

Let your child feel more love and understanding from you.

Help your child to want to please you more.

Help your child to value your opinion more.

Define the stages of cognitive development. If your need help please contact me. Here are just a couple of examples to give you an idea of what I mean when I suggest that you reason with your child. For more examples on how to reason with your child please contact me.

Example I.

Your 4 year old daughter wants to open the can of tuna with the can opener. You tell her “no, that’s dangerous; you will cut your hand”. She insists. You keep saying no. It gets out of control until she gets a rise from you. Then you get upset and send her out of the room or put her in time out.

Reasoning I.

(in a soft but firm tone of voice)

The cognitive development of a 4 year old wouldn't understand why you got upset or a time out for not listening. When your child insisted, that’s when you both needed to take a time out. You take you child on your lap and you explain, “I know you want to help me. I am so happy that I have such a wonderful daughter who is such a great helper. (Give a kiss). However, the can opener has a very, very sharp blade that can slip and cut off your finger. Because I love you so much, I don’t want you to be hurt or lose your finger. So instead why don’t you help me to do (………find a safe activity for her to do )”. The cognitive development of a three year old should be able to accept this kind of reasoning.

Example II.

Your ten year old disobeyed by bringing his video game to school. He disrupted the class by turning it on in class, and it accidentally fell on the floor and broke. You get a notice from the teacher. This type of behavior deserves a consequence. You choose the form of discipline and follow through with it.

Reasoning II.

(in a soft but firm, tone of voice.)

Based on the cognitive development of your ten year old, taking away privileges would serve as an ideal form of discipline in this situation. The privilege should be kept away for a week. At the end of the week you sit down to talk about it. Hopefully by now he would be showing some remorse.

You say, I know you are an obedient boy, you’ve shown that to me many times. What happened here? “(let him speak) You continue, “do you understand why you were not allowed to take your video game to school?”(let him speak) Whether or not he does you need to reiterate it. “First of all, school is for studying. When you bring a video game to school, it is distracting to you and the other children. That is why it is not permitted. Your disobedience not only caused you to get in trouble with your teacher, you also broke your toy. When I instruct you to do something, it’s because I know what the outcome would be”.

“Because I love you so much (give a kiss), I try to help you by telling you not to do something. I want you to have fun with your video game. That’s why we bought it for you. However, school is not the place to enjoy it. I feel very disappointed in what you did. The reason you had ( ….).taken away was because you disobeyed. Every time you disobey you will again lose a privilege. I expect to see you acting like the obedient boy I know you are. In the future, whenever you feel tempted to disobey, talk to me about it first. I love you and I want to help you to be the best boy possible”.

The cognitive development of a ten year old should be able to understand this type of reasoning.

The good news it that when you begin to reason with your child from a very early age, it gets easier as their cognitive development increases.

In my life coaching practice I notice that this is an area where I do a lot of parenting coaching. If your need help don’t wait. It is something you cannot afford to put off.

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