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Raising Independent Children

Raising independent children requires confident, secure parents. Every parent needs to feel loved and needed by their children. However, at each stage of the child’s life, the parent must recognize the child’s ability to do things for herself and allow her that opportunity.

Some parents feel so insecure that they fear there child will reject them for any reason. Therefore, by doing more and more the insecure parent feels she is securing a place in her child’s life. On the contrary, by doing more for your child, you are actually expecting less from your child. As you child grows older, before you know it, your child will unintentionally

Begin to take advantage of you.

Lose respect for you

Make more demands on you

Become more dependent on you

Become incapable of taking care of herself We as parents love our children, want the best for our children, and have the best of intentions for our children. This is a given. However, there are parental boundaries that every parent must maintain in raising independent children. You have to know when to stop making every choice or decision or your child. You have to know when to back off and allow your child to do things for herself.

The role of the parent is to teach and guide the child. It is of utmost importance that you teach appropriate behaviors and skills at each stage of your child’s life. Take the time to show them how to do things. Once the behavior is learned by the child, you the parent must observe as the child executes what she learned. If she messes up, you assist. Remember they are in training to become an adult. They will mess up. This is the key to raising independent children.
Research has shown that children who are raised to be independent are:
Higher achievers
More motivated
More self-confident
More likely to have a greater self-perception and higher self-esteem

Raising independent children doesn’t mean you must stop doing for your children. It means you must know the limits. It means you must trust your children to make choices and watch them succeed. And when the fall short, support them and encourage them but be ready to trust them again to make their own choices. If you have done your job in teaching your children, then trust your child to make independent decisions.

By always providing a cushion for your children, they learn that you cannot trust them to make their own decisions, which undermines their level of confidence. You send the message that they are not capable. They grow more and more dependent on you. Some parents like that up to a certain point. But when the child is grown and becomes an adult and cannot take care of herself, you have no one else to blame but you. So how do you maintain these parental boundaries for raising independent children?

Take the time to teach your child. Whether it is teaching how to brush their teeth, how to study, or driving the car.

Make sure you feel confident that your child knows and understand the skill or behavior.

Don’t be in such a hurry to do things for your child. Allow them to do it for themselves.

Trust your children’s ability to do things. This makes them feel highly capable. It strengthens their self-confidence that you allow them this privilege while standing on the sidelines to support them.

Remember we all learn from our mistakes. Don’t put your child down when she messes up. Pick her up, dust her off, and give her some refresher notes. Then trust her once again to do it alone.

When you have done your job in raising independent children, it gives you more peace of mind. You can rest assured that when you children are out in the world on their own they will be fine. You will already know your child's ability in making sound decisions and excellent choices. You will not have to worry that they cannot take care of themselves.

If you feel you need help raising independent children contact a parenting coach or please contact me.

For Questions or Comments, Click Smiley

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